coming out of the closet
last night i tried to start weeding out my closet. although i am "only" twenty-seven years of age, if one were to peer into my closet, he would think he were looking at the clothes of at least a fifty-year-OLD (unstylish) woman. [i would love to have the money to buy nice clothes, and not because i want to be in-style (or even think i could be)...but (unfortunately?) i have noted that what i wear really does have an effect on my attitude and day.]after last night's attempts to dispose of some old articles, though, i wonder, even if i did have the means to purchase a new wardrobe, would i have the balls to say, "out with the old, in with the new?"
i become way too attached to clothes. i still have a pale pink and grey large-striped cotton dress that i wore when i was probably six years old. now, that is ridiculous. mind you, the dress still hangs in the closet of the room i used to call my own in my parents' home in texas. that, i know, is ridiculous, as well.
all this to say, i could hardly put anything into the garbage bag that i will eventually take to the secondhand store here in town. i struggled with so many articles. some i easily said, "no way" to immediately. others i placed temporarily in the "outta here" pile, knowing in my heart that i would pick them out before shoving them into the dark bag of no return. i just couldn't do it.
as disrespectful and ungrateful, and possibly as arrogant as this may sound, i have come close to wishing for our house to burn and/or blow away so that all the STUFF would go with it. this is horrible, and i really don't (and can't) wish that; i would be swept into a whirlwind of depression if i were to lose pictures, books, letters, gifts, journals, etc. ...but still i long for some type of deep cleaning and massive organization project to take place. a little bit at a time is how i have decided to tackle everything. perhaps by the time i AM fifty, i will live in a clean, "real simple" home. hopefully sooner. (real simple is by far my favourite magazine; it’s truly incredible, refreshing, and inspiring.)
i try to remember to remind myself daily that the stuff of this earth is truly fleeting and will in fact one day be gone forever. i find relief and much joy in knowing that, and cannot wait to be in a Place with no loose hairs (?) and no piles of old bills and pieces of mail, no boxes full of childhood memories, and no closets full of clothes that are too small for me or too big for me and reflect nothing of who i truly am.
all for now @
9:25 AM
2 comment(s):
...so I'm coming into this post a little late, but I'm feeling your pain (you can ask Gretchen how much "stuff" I used to have in our house). one of the things i had to ask myself when i was cleaning out recently (as morbid as it may sound) was "would i miss this if my house burned down?". its amazing how much i answered "no" to ~ i now have significantly less stuff & am trying to get rid of more. by the way, "real simple" is one my favs too ~ Aubrey introduced me to it a few years ago b/c i do collage & it has great pictures (i've been hooked ever since).
By
Kimberly, at
3:43 PM
i'm so glad to "see" you comment here, kim! (thank you!) i have to admit that i have "lurked" a bit around yours, due to jennie's link and your comments on others'! :) i really like the question you proposed...even if it may sound morbid to some. thank you for it, and i think i'll try to use it on my stuff, too. :)
By
rebstar, at
11:20 AM
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