OC, and i don't mean the show on fox
I hate dry skin. At random times throughout the day (some days being worse than others), I have a jittery feeling that is similar to the feeling I had the day after I stayed up all night drinking coffee and studying for a Baptist Heritage test during college. I don’t normally drink coffee, so maybe that was the reason I felt the way I did (or maybe it was because I also listened to the Supertones while I studied, ha ha). Anyway, this jittery feeling I often get is very similar to my whole insides being shaken like a snow globe and is spurred on by many random things: the way something feels on my finger tips, sitting a certain way, even a piece of fuzz or hair on me or furniture or the floor, and I eSPECially get the feeling when writing something by hand and a letter (within a word) doesn’t turn out exactly right. (For example, the “i” isn’t quite connected when writing in cursive.) Yes, you have guessed it, and I have self-diagnosed it: I am (or at least have tendencies of one who is) obsessive compulsive.I have often wondered if I were tested by a professional would I be diagnosed as oc. I can’t even begin to tell you all the weird things I do—now, I do nothing crazy like wash my hands seven times in a row with scalding water and a new bar of soap each time or turn lights off and on over and over again. No, I am not quite like Jack Nicholson’s character in As Good as it Gets. Thankfully. But sometimes I feel like that is exactly how I am—or pretty close to it. Those who know me really well have heard me describe the mother of all oc things that I have done/presently do: my “counting”/drawing the street signs and light posts (and yellow lines) along the road. I won’t go into detail with that now. My current state of oc will just increase if I do! I just wonder what truly causes my crazy behaviour and what in the world (besides calming down just a wee bit more) I can do to stop it. Is it an insufficient level of serotonin, as experts say? Perhaps hormones or my poor diet and lack of exercise? I found an online chart of eight “symptoms” of obsessions and compulsions on www.ocfoundation.org (no, I’m not kidding about the web address), and I felt like I was reading a descriptive list of myself on several of the items. Counting, ordering/arranging, hoarding or saving…(reading my first post might put things a little more into perspective after seeing these last few words!)
How wonderful, though, that these horrible feelings can disappear in a heartbeat by simply walking outside into the sunshine and breathing fresh air, singing aloud “You are my Stronghold” (by Sons & Daughters) to Him…or with the most wonderful, sensitive kiss of a loving husband. (one husband in particular, that is)
But then the feelings return upon, oh, say, writing about them again?! So before I plunge any deeper into the recesses of my oc nature (and by doing so become a little more oc in the process), it is with a calm heart (and calm fingers) that I write my goodbyes to you for now. that I write my goodbyes to you for now. JUST KIDDING.
all for now @
1:26 PM
1 comment(s):
Rebekah not-Spencer! how are things going? good to find you again.
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myleswerntz, at
10:09 AM
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