not good enough
I hate it when I don’t feel good enough.I admit I am pretty paranoid—well, maybe flat-out crazy—but when you’re given a (SMALL, MONKEY-LIKE) task to do at work, and someone “over” you does it before you can get to it (without even coming close to missing a deadline)…what are you to think besides that person must believe that I am not capable of doing the job and/or not good enough. and WHY do I care.
I was assigned the job of box-wrapping. no, not for Christmas presents: this Saturday is ER (no, not emergency room: early registration), and the incoming students and their parents have to have a place to drop their completed surveys, don’t they? so instead of sticking a few plain paper boxes in some sure-to-be-seen places around campus, it was decided that we needed to wrap the boxes (and their lids) in butcher paper so that they’ll be a little nicer-looking.
it’s all about aesthetics, folks.
my boss (our boss) assigned me the job, and as usual, I thought I would go the extra mile. so yesterday I very clumsily made my way (carrying four large paper boxes—albeit empty—is quite the balancing act) to the Education department to utilize their die-cuts. wrapping a large paper box and its corresponding lid takes a LOT LONGER than I imagined (especially when you’re oc like me), so wrapping four of those suckers took quite a bit of time. factor in the time it takes to cut out enough letters to spell “er surveys” four times (and the cutesy paw prints—I know, I know…what has gotten into me) and then glue them on piece by piece…and you’ve got yourself a project that—although yes, small and monkey-like—consumes SEVERAL HOURS of your time. I worked hard on those boxes. I mean, I literally sweat. (well, it was burning up in that lab.) I think they turned out pretty cute—especially considering their sole purpose is to HOLD SURVEYS and will be torn up the minute the surveys are extracted.
I could hear ten compliments, but if I hear one comment that even remotely sounds negative, that’s the one that reverberates in my mind. again and again.
“oh, I just wish you couldn’t see through the paper.” (the white butcher paper is pretty far from being opaque. but GIVE ME A BREAK. once again, recall the sole purpose of the boxes.)
now, I have to be honest and say that comment did not come from the above-mentioned person who “took away” my project. that individual, when she saw the boxes I had slaved over, just kind of gave a half-way “uh huh” fake smile/laugh and went on with her day.
so on to the stealing.
the other part of my small, monkey-like task was to cover two small boxes that will hold (alphabetically, of course) all the nametags for the students on Saturday. and what do I see when I walk into her office this morning? yes, her covering two small boxes with purple (what other colour would it be) paper.
I’m just ready to have a job where I feel (and AM) appreciated and that uses up my passions and skills. and what are those things, you ask?
well, even if you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you. sheesh, I’ve got to have a few positive things in this post!
I’m good with people, and I love to make them happy.
I love children and singing and creating.
I love designing stationery and invitations.
I love office supplies and using them. (go here now. even though I think stationery is great, there are some REALLY FUNNY MOVIES to watch on that site.)
I dislike filing and COPYING and feeling like a slave. (oops, I guess that’s a negative.)
I kind of like faxing, and answering the phone is good—except when I have to give a huge, long introduction (the one I give now canNOT be said in one breath, usually).
I dream of having my own store/business someday.
I’m a great actress, I really am, and I sometimes wish I could do that (kind of thing) for a living.
To summarize (and to give you a few new ones, too), some of the things I think I would like to do (in no particular order) are to be a:
• mother
• teacher
• singer
• wedding planner
• actress
• personal shop owner (don’t know everything that will be sold, but I know the name)
• chef/baker & own a bakery
• professional invitation designer
• ballerina.
not really the last one, but at age six, that’s what I wanted to be when I grew up, so I had to include it. :) (all who know me, I’m sure you got a kick out of imagining ME in a ballet outfit. I hope you didn’t lose your cookies on that one.)
boy, was this a long post, or was this a long post.
all for now @
12:44 PM
1 comment(s):
rebekah, this is a great blog. i can totally identify with you. in fact, i am laughing to myself about the box story, because i can imagine MANY situations where i've felt what you've described.
i hope you get to try your hand at ALL those things you listed, because people with dreams do the best kind of work. and i'm sure you'd be excellent at any of those things. can't wait to hear what it is next!!
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Mary, at
10:46 AM
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