disturbing
completely unmotivated and dreaming of being a better wife (i.e. actually making dinner more than ONCE A YEAR...what was that about complaining about no kitchen in the basement? have i even USED our kitchen since we moved into the new house???)...anyway, so i was looking at food network and since i love italian (yes, pizza is included in this category, no?) AND it's almost time for dinner, i was drooling at this pizza dough recipe:
Basic Pizza Dough
Recipe courtesy Emeril Lagasse, 2004
Show:
Emeril Live
Episode:
Pizza with Pizzaz
1 cup warm water (105 to 115 degrees F)
1 (1/4-ounce) envelope active dry yeast
1 teaspoon honey
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
Yellow cornmeal, for sprinkling the baking sheet
In a large bowl, combine the water, yeast, honey, and 1 tablespoon of the olive oil, stirring to combine. Let sit until the mixture is foamy, about 5 minutes.
Add 1 1/2 cups of the flour and the salt, mixing by hand until it is all incorporated and the mixture is smooth. Continue adding the flour, 1/4 cup at a time, working the dough after each addition, until the dough is smooth but still slightly sticky. You might not need all of the flour. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until the dough is smooth but still slightly tacky, 3 to 5 minutes.
Oil a large mixing bowl with remaining olive oil. Place the dough in the bowl, turning to coat with the oil. Cover with plastic wrap and set in a warm place, free from drafts until doubled in size, about 1 1/2 hours.
Variations:
Parmesan Pizza Dough: Substitute 2 3/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour and 1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese for 3 cups unbleached all-purpose flour. Use a pinch of salt instead of 1 teaspoon. Proceed as directed above.
Oregano Pizza Dough: Stir 2 tablespoons chopped fresh oregano in with the flour and proceed as directed above.
and then i decided to read the guest reviews. most of them were something like this, "this is the best pizza dough i've ever tried to make. it's so simple and just like it's namesake for the recipe, basic. super easy to make. i will never order take out pizza or order delivery again because of this pizza dough recipe. thanks emeril and food network!"
but then i read this one:
"His pizza dough was very yummy, however it smelled like something crawled in it and died and also it reminded me of my child hood days when i would crawl in the toilet and eat the brown worms inside(we aren't trying to be mean). but over all it sure was good."
WHAT?! this is so disgusting and disturbing!! please tell me that you do NOT understand this any more than i do.
A) crawling INTO a toilet???
B) the "brown worms" and what this individual did with them.
C) "we aren't trying to be mean."
(perhaps the plural pronoun explains it all. i am legion?...)
maybe i'm not so hungry for dinner after all. :(
all for now @
2:43 PM
2 comment(s):
That was hilarious. CRAWL IN the toilet??? Eat the brown worms inside??? There are so many things that I just don't understand about that. I wouldn't even know where to begin... gross!
By
Jace's Mom, at
7:43 PM
I had to post something somewhere to tell you how wonderful I think you are! And how much I appreciated you coming to me making me feel FAMOUS!!!! And I refuse to think about brown worms and toilet crawling...I mean ick...
By
Crystal, at
9:16 AM
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