rebeekah

hello.

Although I was up for one crazy feeding last night with that little darling from 1 until almost 4 in the morning, I was really not nearly as tired at work as I expected I would be.

Maybe tomorrow will be even easier. Here's hoping.

Side Note:
I'm pretty sure I've confessed in the past (indirectly, at least) that one of the main reasons I have not written in so long is because I am such a perfectionist. Because I was regrettably not an English major, I realise how imperfect my grammar and writing skills are...and that fact makes me SHUDDER on a regular basis. (Rachel, if you are reading, please be merciful.) :)

Being a mother.
Being a mother is literally a dream come true for me. Although I find myself at wit's end more often than not (see above example of a semi-regular feeding session), each time I look at MY baby's face (am I really a mother?) or hold that little bundle close to me, the joy is more than my heart can hold. I'm more grateful than I could begin to put into words.

Dealing.
Many thoughts and emotions have remained untouched by me since May or earlier. I don't know why I haven't been dealing with the events in my life in a healthy manner; I suppose the primary reason may be because many of those events have been pretty traumatic and/or mostly negative. The number one way I usually deal with things is through writing--usually in my own personal pretty-on-the-outside-dirty-on-the-in journal--and I have done almost ZERO of that all year. In addition to the reason stated above for my lack of public writing, I would have to say I also hold WAY too much fear...fear of being judged, not liked, you name it. Just call me paranoid patty. (What?? Okay, it is nearing midnight, and i should be FAST ASLEEP since she is...)

Okay, on that note. :)

Thanks, cyberfriends, for sticking with me. You're the best.

all for now @ 9:23 PM